Fighting On...

Well, yesterday (Monday) wasn't a great day, but better overall than the Lord's Day. My mood gradually went down and the depression was worst between 11:00 and 1:30 (medium level), peaking in medium anxiety, and I phoned a friend who's been through something similar to talk for a while. It was milder the rest of the afternoon. I walked down to our bank just down the main road to deposit a check.

Isaiah is still quite sick and he slept the last half of the afternoon. He has white spots appearing in places which are quite itchy with red in the general areas. I put Eurax cream on him in the morning and evening, which helped him a lot.

My blood test results came in from last Tues. ... blood sugar, kidneys, liver, platelets, thryroid normal, the one thing abnormal was my potassium which was elevated considerably (normal 5.1, it was 5.7, over 6.0 is dangerous). They want me to stop my potassium supplements and retest the potassium levels in a week.

Thankfully the evening was fairly good. We watched part of a period drama on the BBC called "Lark Rise to Candleford," I tidied the dishes, we did our usual nightly family devotions cuddling in bed together, and I got supper for everyone. It was nice to have a more normal evening again without panicking!

This morning so far is okay (about 8:50) ... pretty normal-feeling... Peter has just gotten up and is sitting on my lap watching me write. When I'm more normal I can feel the lovely comfort of this... please, Lord, may I have an easy day! Depression is like being caged in a greenhouse looking out on the world, being held underwater not even having the comfort of a memory of what the sun looks like, nothing able to penetrate to bring enjoyment, comfort, or hope, often frowning or feeling mental "pressure". Anxiety is terrible too... you can feel very frightened and close to being out of control, scared of the present & future... how bad depends on the level of anxiety. The episodes can come in "waves" or be constant, have racing thoughts or not.

9:15 a.m. -- Tim just IMed me... that was nice... it was lovely to have a normal, happy conversation with him, able to feel the comfort of it and full of love. Please, Lord, may this normality continue today!!

Bye... more later, God willing!